I smiled because the sun was shining
and I was inevitably alive.
Now I smile just to see the faces of others
light up like a lamp in the night.
I smile because its the polite thing to do.
And sometimes I still smile
out of the pure joy of a beautiful life.
When you're around, my face lights up.
Otherwise now though, you're losing me.
A while back, when it first started,
I regarded you as an axis to my world.
But it spun to fast, and while you kept going
I was falling off.
Each misstep I point out
you apologize away.
I've been forgiving you over and over.
We fight, I hurt, you hurt, and then you apologize.
The feelings have been recycled by now.
I want to believe that the beauty inside you
can permanently be painted onto your life.
I want to trust that you'll pull yourself together
and start acting like the gentleman you can be.
But your world is so unstable.
My mind is unstable too.
I can't have my world that way. I need stability
or I will break.
You know I will. You've seen it.
I have two options. I can jump ship and swim
far away. Forget this ever happened.
Or I can stay in this cycle or sickness
waiting for small moments of joy.
You have all the options in the world in your hands.
You have a fragile and beautiful young girl
that needs you to take care sometimes
to care.
You can blink and change everything.
But you haven't...not yet.
What are you going to do
if you really, truly love her?
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