Looking Back Now....I Sometimes Wish Things

I am going to be completely honest.
I look back on that Tuesday.
It was September and I
was young.
Swept away by the tides of life.
I had thought there was only
one way out of this.
Thought things would never be different.
But I didn't think
about the reprocussions.
About the other people.
The one moment I took in my life
to think about myself
to be selfish
I spent dying.
And if I could take it back
of course, I gladly would.
But I have learned.
I've learned to love even
the smallest of things.
But I still read back
to that Tuesday in September
and wonder what it would be like
if all these words hereafter
had never existed.
I'm glad they do.

Fatal Flaws

I have a fatal flaw inside
despite how hard in life I've tried.
You see, this world can get confusing
and I try to paint it up
with the colors I'm using.
I try to grab every hand
that I see falling down.
I try to help the world up
when I'm still on the ground.
But even when I make them smile.
Even when they say my times worth while
I still feel as though its not enough.
I know I'm just a little rough
on judging all the things I've done.
But I haven't done much.
I am just one.
I'm just one girl trying to save the world.
I've saved lives, but I'm still a little girl.
I keep giving and giving
but sometimes I fall back.
And in just those small moments
I can view all I lack.
It makes me wonder and question
the reason I'm existing.
Am I really still helping?
Or am I just stuck here wishing.
I have wondered forever
If I've really done my best.
But I'm flawed nearly fatal.
My hearts too big for my chest.

Hopefully...

Sometimes
I think
I feel.
And other times
I listlessly drift away
into a dreamlike state.
We are wonderously being
human and inhumane
and sometimes subtly
trying to love.
But where are we going?
In this world of wonders
we create so much lightning.
We cause so much thunder.
Monsters
Destroyers
Lovers...
People...
We only do what we can do.
And while some try and others don't
we are all equally at fault
for the things we have done.
But we are all loving
something
or someone
somewhere.
And that keeps that little fire
in the corner, burning
like a kindle of hope
in the nighttime.

Reconciling With Myself

Each day we're learning who we are.
We grabbing stars
even if they burn us.
And while the world may not know
who we are or where
we're going
that's alright.
They may never know
what we're not showing.
But we let those we love see our hearts.
And I'm starting
to think
that its okay to
love and be loved.
To dream and to wish
and to hope
and to live
just how I want to.
And to stand
for what
I am.

Ruckus

Hand over the pieces.

I am gaining back what is mine.

Living, even if it kills me.

Perserverance

Breathe and Exhale

Built up frustration

It's the tears brimming my eyes

The reasons I don't have

The repression

of my choice.

Your little black book

makes me wonder your story.

I want to tell you

my worlds.

And I want to tell him

my heart.

Pour out everything

that's eating me alive

and dive into the deep end.

Sink into a subtleness

away from this melancholy

tainted air.

I want to breathe peace

and exhale certainty.

Where's my light when I need one?

Can it be you?

Or am I just a lost,

soul searching

shadow stepper?

Hope

Maybe the daylights coming.

I can see it dawning

in the hope of your smile.

And even with the darkness

that we've so and too long endured

I think we're gonna make it.

I know there's a way out

and that tomorrow is

going to be much, much better.

There's music and there's laughter

waiting for our ears

and worlds of color for our eyes.

And even though I thought

all my nevers would always be

you changed me views.

I looked up and saw

that you were me on the inside

and I liked you for that.

You are a beautiful person

and I want to see the daylight

every morning

rising in the dawn

of your smile.

Give Me Time

I've got myself a secret

and its resting in my lungs

aching just to climb aboard

and fly right off my tongue.

I'm glad your ears are nowhere near

cause I can whisper to myself

what I don't want you to hear

but wish that I could tell.

And if I spoke the words

my heart keeps hearing

would you speak them back?

Make up for all the

times I've missed

and color that I lack.

I love.

Sometime soon I'll try and pull you aside

and tell you all I feel.

But right before

I spill my guts

I'll pretend its all not real.

I'll fashion up some clever lie

all meaningless and fake.

Just give me time

to let you know

for both of our hearts sake.

The Saints

They asked me how I could believe in the Saints. How I could even believe in anything. I asked myself that question after the days that had preluded. But why question things if we are in His hands? Truly, if the one who invented joy and happiness Himself is holding us, we don't have to worry. Right?
I've wondered a lot lately. And I've thought and pondered and perplexed myself over how a man can become so incredibly wonderous in his life that he may be called a saint. It sounds nearly impossible but I suppose that it isn't, seeing as how there are so many of them. But how did they do it? How did they follow such a narrow road of faith that they were able to be declared saints to the One who made the world? That's something I think about a lot. My roads been far too wide and far too sinful to make me a saint....at least I believe it has. I'd love to be a saint but I am nowhere near good enough. That's how I see it anyways. But then again each saint has a story. Maybe what made them so saintly is that, even when they sinned and strayed, they always came back stronger and more miraculous than before. They stood up when everyone else would have been beaten down, and they did so with the strength of God.

I was angry. I was lost and hurt and I cried because I wondered how such a loving God could do some of the things he did. How He could take the best thing in my life from me, and leave just out of my reach. It hurt and it stung. And I asked why a lot. We all ask why. But I guess that it's the saints that showed me why. Because I had to learn that I shouldn't rely on the world. That I could heal and grow and get back up again with God's strength alone. I'd never had to. But I am now. It's a struggle every day, but I just think of Saint Jude or Saint Christopher and I get through it. I know I can make it if I try. We all can. It's just hard. But if we all gave up when things got hard we'd have a very slow and lazy world.
So I am going to keep on trekking and loving and living, even if it hurts sometimes. I believe in God. I believe in the saints. I believe in forgiveness. And I believe in a love that covers all. That's what keeps me going. And no matter what the world says I always will believe. I've got someone to talk to whenever I need, and a love that never ends. Isn't that all anyone is looking for in this world?

Confession and Saints

I believe it was the Saint Jude himself
that got me started in believing.
I learned and became so
incredibly enticed.
Their stories were like colors
to my eyes and music
to my ears.
I wondered and I prayed
and I thought about where
I'd come from.
But in the end I decided
believing was okay.
Because I can see the hope
that they bring the world.
I can see the goodness they stand for.
Each one, less like a God, and more
like a humble hero
stands for all that
needs stood for.
And so doesn't that mean
there's always someone to
stand for me?
I am never alone.
And if someday the Priest
asks me
"Child, what may I do?"
I will say in solemn grace
"Forgive me Father,
for I have sinned.
I have lost my way
and I need God
to bring me back."

Remembrance

My words get too heavy
to be held inside my eyes.
And I'm still hushed
by the weight they have
pushed upon me.
All the while you
adorned in your shell of
concious and false reality
will go on playing the part.
I am lost when I see you
but still in the most
beautifully broken way.
Can you look me in the eyes?
I will tell you then
that you are still
my world of light.
I cannot forget
such a tremendous impact
to my soul.
The heart wasn't meant to.
It was meant to remember,
and cry,
and yearn for what
is lost.

We Owe It To Ourselves

They said, "We owe this
to ourselves."
And I nodded
And I agreed
We owe it to ourselves to look
for some way out
of where we are now.
For a world of difference
that's hiding in
the dark.
Sometimes I wonder
and sometimes I wish.
But I never ever thought
that things would end
like this.
No...
I assumed the world
would sweep me off with passion
and carry me swiftly
to the horizon.
That the sail would be steady
but instead
I was thrown back overboard.
I'm still just learning
how to swim.
We owe it to ourselves
to find a deeper truth.

Episodic Lament

I sound like I did then.
Crunching of footsteps on broken glass
without hearing the tears.
Who asked for me?
Cause I didn't know.
If they led me I followed
like a sheep into slaughter.
I ought to go back and sleep.
I haven't slept in days
and I'm wasting away in hunger.
Thunder was my friend
and the rain made me smile.
It still does right?
And so do you.
I was wrong to say
I was done. This was over.
I was wrong to feel
like it all was no good
and
I know that I love you.
My light. My light garden.
Beautiful and silent
just like the sounds
of my tears.

Muse and Magic

Muse and Magic
created the world.
Imagined the eyes of a little girl
Showered the world
in color and light.
Oh what a silence
Oh, what a sight.
Muse was a wonder
at sewing the Earth.
Gave the flowers their color
and the oceans their worth.
And when it was all over
he stood back and sighed.
How could you look around you
and not feel alive?
Magic gave feeling
and feeling gave love.
And the world was wonderful
ground and above.
He smiled so brightly
with sparkles in his eyes.
How could you look aroud you
and not feel alive?
So we were born into wonder,
all the children of hope.
With the tools of the trade
and the courage to cope.
They left and looked onward
to the world within.
But we built and we broke down.
We scarred and caved in.
We can't see the origins
or the wonder intended.
So they frown and they worry,
both hurt and offended.
We don't see all the beauty
we just focus in strife.
How do we look alll around us
and not
feel alive?

These Things Take Time

Who knows which way I'm going anymore? I'm old and grown and I've changed and molded and loved and lived.
I still am...but I'm just getting by sometimes too. I still wonder "what if" like I did when I was five. But this time I'm finding answers.
Sometimes I wish I could keep just asking "what if?". But I can't. I have to keep walking forward, not in circles.
I've found out that all I've guess and known is true and false at the same time. And that I don't have enough words or time to justify
everything that truly matters. I'm going to have to pick and choose. And sometimes my heart will hurt and I'll need to be picked back up.
I won't ever understand everything but I can understand a lot now that people go through. Maybe that was the point of all of it. I can use
each and every experience to relate and to help and save someone else. And if so then I'm glad. I don't care if it hurt if it'll help me help you eventually.
Maybe you don't know, and you probably don't, but I look up to you. Somewhat at least. And I care about you more than even I knew I did. I just want
to somehow find a way to make you believe that each breath you take is important. Like the world isn't gonna hurt quite as bad as you think it does.
And just because it has hurt doesn't mean it always will. I've learned that and I want to help you see the world the way it reaches my eyes. I know I'm young
but I've lived. I have hurt and lied and bled and loved and cried and laughed just like you have. But I can't help you yet. Not until you really trust me.
I've never had a hard time trusting. I trust too easy and quickly and I know sometimes that's a bad thing. And it doesn't help me understand your view.
But you can trust me. Because I see you in full and I want you to see yourself the way the world does. You are strong and beautiful and smart
and awesome. Nothing changes overnight, but if you give me a chance you'll see I can shake up the world you know. Good change is a good thing
and I met you for a reason. I have a habit of being abrupt. Of walking into peoples lives and shaking them up. Only thing is you shook mine up first. Right
when I was about to fall off the edge you turned the world and I fell back on. Someday I'll find a way to repay you for that. I know you don't really know what you did
but maybe one day I'll be able to explain. The truth isn't easy to find or talk about, but by uncovering them we find the scars we buried and heal them.
Will you let me walk with you? Because each step is one more moment you can touch the world, and you already have. Will you let me help you see? Because
you are worth it. And I want you to know that.

All Inside and Around

I am one in a string of ideas.
The lightbulb above my head flashes
in a precarious, broken way.
But I never give up...
Because giving up is for quitters.
And I'm too strong for that...
...I think.
What happened to all that I had?
It's like I was a soldier who
lost everything only to come back to
everything he had,
and realize its nothing.
Feelings sometimes feel deeper
than the oceans.
At least deeper than they should.
Of course I talk to myself.
It's my only way of staying sane
to tell myself, "Kid it'll be okay."
Who else says so anyways?
I know I'm chasing dreams but
I don't chase the impossible.
Never and can't dont ring bells
in this head of mine...
...Except sometimes. Like on
those long sleepless nights.
I've become sick and tired like
a starving insomniac.
Pacing back and forth inside the
lattitudes and longitudes
of a very solitary mind
that sees over and through
everything.
But I'm lost and waiting
to be lost and found.
Everything has a purpose just like
the night comes and goes.
I know mine but I don't know
if you know yours.
I can't save the world. Just
one person at a time.
And I'm trying so hard.
But steel walls are hard
to move and
I'm not a supehero.

The Toymakers Closet

I'm not sure what I did
but it got me where I am.
All the world upon my shoulders.
All the horror in my hand.
Given up into the midnight
Swallowed whole by sparrow songs.
I wish into the hollow black.
I try to sing along.
I'm stumbling bright
but staying quiet
Breathless in the times.
All the while
hiding silent in the
daylight of my rhymes.
Where we go from here and now
is not up to
ourselves.
We just have
to wait awhile.
Old toys on
dusty shelves.

You Can Count On It

I'm spinning out in circles.
I'm chasing after dreams.
And I see right inside you...but
can you see in me?
You've lived more than I have
and I so wish I knew.
I so wish I could tell you
everything you need to hear.
You're a book and I'm a puzzle
but the worlds okay.
Despite what you say youre worth
moments and minutes.
There are miles and miles
laid just for your feet.
You'll touch lives, friend I promise.
Everyone that you meet.
Just hang in there, hold tight
cause no one said that its easy.
It wasn't easy before
and it still may not be.
But you've got friends and shoulders
to get you through the dark.
I'll watch where youre walking
to keep you from the fall
as long as you keep walking,
courageous and tall.
Each breath is a promise
that you'll live for your dreams.
For the reason you were put here
and for a love bigger than
anyone knows.
You're so much stronger
than you have ever known
and so much more worth it
than you've ever seen.
I'll still tell you every day.
Count on me.

We're Going In Circles

We weren't born as rebels
throwing motions and pebbles
at all that we hate.
But it's getting to late
to see where the suns gone.
I've been running to long.
And I'm rhyming to much.
I've lost my way and your touch.
And it's harder each day
to just find my own way.
God only knows that I try
but I'm just getting by.
I want to live past that line
and see what I can find.
Maybe my hearts been wrong
and this isn't my song.
I don't want think
this was all for nothing
but maybe we're just growing old.
Forget all we've been told
and just listen to your heart.
Together or apart?
I hate all the questions I ask
about ditching the past.
And I hate me for thinking
that I was made for sinking.
But I'm dreaming of better
with every word and letter.
Life takes moments and minutes.
We can go or stay in it.
It's your choice and its mine
but I still need some time.

These Things

With all the success it sorta
feels like a failure.
I keep wondering blind
with the wind in my eyes.
And I'm torn up and dry
but the rain keeps pouring.
Help me take back my heart.
Help me hold it too tight.
You're the one that I've loved
but I can't see your light.
I'm gonna walk like a madman
straight on into this world.
One more dance
One more moment
for one beautiful girl.
Shouting doesn't get heard
so I'll scream every word
and write it right here.
I'm standing and screaming
and living and dreaming
and wandering and wondering.
Lost and searching
for a soul and home.
Living and learning
and looking
for home.

Only At Night

The sounds came just before
the shutting of my ears.
His footsteps; fear himself
So I plugged in a nightlight
and covered my face
with an old worn out pillow.
Completely irrationaly
I hid from the viewpoints.
The windows and doors
all a threat to imagination.
Must have been some sort of
scar from the nightmares of
my youth.
But however shallow
it was still there
like a permanent shadow
haunting the walls
of my room.

Episodic Structure

It sounded like one of those
crazy people rocking back and forth
in the corner of the room.
And sometimes I'd rather just
give in and be them.
And most times now there's no need.
So why today? Why does it have to
come back like a haunting?
Like a shadow following me
forever.
It's in my shadow.
It sees everything and through
everything.
I want it gone.
I want it gone forever and ever
and ever.

Episodic Sounds

They asked me what it sounded like.
Over and over and over.
Breaking glass. Shattterrringgggg.
Down.
It sounds like a hurricane.
I am the hurricane.
Break. Break. Break.
Save me?
It sounds like a twister
ripping through and
ripping in half
and enough.
Over and over and over.
Through everything and after
everything.
Dissappeared like an assassin
back to kill.
Then away.
Fly fly fly
away and
gone.

Worlds Apart

I was that whisper
in the back of your mind
that prompted you to smile.
Nobody remembers.
I was that writer
that caught your eye,
just right.
Nobody really saw.
I was that footstep
right behind you
to hold you up.
Somebody saw.
I know they had to.
I was born into night
with a dream for a light
brighter than I could
ever make real.
But I try and I feel
and run and I stumble.
I'm lost and I'm weary,
and broken.
But humble.
Everything that I have
somehow sometime gets taken.
But I dream it back every night
till the time I awaken.
I smile when I'm sleeping
cause it's better than whats real.
It's the worlds I can
walk so tall.
And that helps me
to heal.

I Can Barely See

Blueprints were alway black and white.
They lied in name just like I've lied.
I mapped my road along the stars.
But I've forgotten they're not just ours.
The view is known by all the world,
not just by the eyes of some silly young girl.
The world all faded and my eyes turned down.
Now I'm downcast and downtrodden
and falling down.
I wish I was a king and could change my whole view.
But I'm just a child. And I am not you.
One voice leads along and the other says go.
I wish I could jump but that's foolish, I know.
I'm tired. It's tiring just wandering alone.
The house freezes over. It's no longer a home.
I didn't make it. They designed it in rage.
Write me back a new story and please, turn the page.
Get me lost in a new light away from this place.
Hear the fear in my voice, but don't look at my face.
All my courage is scattered and comes back rarely.
But there's light somewhere near. I can see it
just barely.
So if I run to you will you hold me real tight?
Cause I think that's what I need now
to get back to alright.

Powerless

I wish you would fight for me.
That you would stand up,
fists ready,
and fight the world.
That you'd keep in mind
my mind, and my dreams.
But you don't...
Can you...please?
I play the part of the elder
in the eyes of a child.
I never wanted to be the leader.
But I long to be led...far away.
I'm chasing dreams and smiles
and song in my heart
that I've lost.
So will you fight for me?
Please?
I'm cold in this endless
undying night time
and I need rescued.

I Am (True to Who I Am)

I am the reason and the thought
into one being of myself.
Born from struggle and brought into struggle
with a stronger sense of hope
than I knew.
I am a shadow to the weary
and a hand to push them up.
Unnoticed, likably, but still
with the utmost concern of their being.
I am a artist of my words
and I weave each one like a thread.
Built and dyed and threaded by my heart
into the rainbow that is
my writing.
I am a future and a purpose.
One day I'll stand somewhere
before someone, for something.
One day I'll be the change I wished
to see when I was little.
I am me.
And I am proud and full of hope,
with a light in my eyes to block
all the darkness.
I close my ears to the hatred
and am true to who
I am.

Trench Deep Honor

I suppose he didn't feel a thing.
The trenches, piled deep
with loss and
spurting disaster from every side.
He knelt in the dirt
with his dust covered helmet
tucked barely over the eve
of his eyes.
Tired, but coherent and ready.
Waiting listlessly for a sign
or a command
One shot could be a lifetime over
or a lifetime longer.
And his brother had waded
so bravely into the shadows
of a no man's land.
So frightfully watching,
as he'd watched him kneel
clutching his heart
in a victory of afterlife,
attempting to grasp eternity.
Not a sight he wanted to see
ever again. Not ever.
His hands sweated
as they clutched an act of death
cased in cold metal.
This wouldn't be the end for him.
No...this would be one more step.
He would walk in honor
with his chest covered in medals
one day.
Sitting under the large oak
telling stories to his grandchildren.
But for now, he was last name
decked in dusty clothing.
A symbol of freedom,
trembling with the ache of the fight.
Eyes forward,
he pointed his gun onward
raining bullets in the trenches.
The terrible act
of watching yourself do
what was done to your brother.
But that was someone's elses brother too...
The ache in your heart
competing with the sense of victory
and the nightmares it would bring.
And past the honor
it would hurt something deep
enough to scar.
This, he vowed,
he would not tell his children.
Nor his children's children.
Sometimes, the downsides to victory
are best tucked away from the eyes
of the watchful,
leaving them to glorify
the honor they think
is real.

You're Dancing In My Heart

Butterflies dancing in the depths of my stomach.
There are words, soft and unfolding
on the tip of my tongue
Like tiny dancers dancing
just to sing "I love you".
You're a star that lights my sky
every night.
Ever wonder
who puts beauty in
the summer?
I belive its you
coloring in the wonderful world
with every step you take.
Love.

I'm In Love With the Answer to My Prayers

March, a time,
for marching on
and on and on and on
some more.
Lets go and find an open door.
Close our past, it cannot last us
farther than the road we're on.
I'm skipping along,
still singing a song
that's alight with love and child like rhymes.
The wonder of a child that still fills my eyes
Five and twenty, and forever, till I grow
so old and frail
I cannot be frail inside cause
you have my heart too safe to fall.
But I can't keep it together at all
when you're around.
I melt. I. Melt.
Because you warm my heart with a fire of love.
Thank God almight from above
that he answered my prayers to right all my rights.
I prayed before I went to sleep every night
for a beautiful person to sweep me off my feet.
It was you, beautiful person, he let me meet.
And now you have me forever.
And I love you for always.
And nothing is better
than a forever
with you.

More Than Words

All hail the poet!
Maybe someday, they will see us.
Maybe someday, they will hear us
screaming silent sentences.
I blast the world with colors
where words never reached before.
But they wished on stars.
I'm yours, they're ours.
A tear without reason, I always asked...
What was it?
Was it wonder really?
I wasn't lost in a world of words.
I was in a romance with
metaphors.
But I meant when I say
you are my sunshine.
I'm honest when I tell you
you light my day.
I'm truthful when I confess
I love you
more than words.

This Is What Love Is

From the moment I got to know you
my eyes were alight like stars.
Each movement you made,
just walking into my presence
delighted me like nothing ever has.
I never knew quite exactly
what that feeling was...
That feeling that kept me up at night,
smiling like I'd seen Heaven.
The same feeling that kept me
feeling so wonderfully alive.
Taking new steps each day
like I'd never seen the world before
I am so full of wonder.
You've taken my hand and shown me
every color was so much brighter
than I ever could've imagined.
I know what that feeling was now.
What is is, and always will be.
Pure, and infinite love
You are the true image
of what it means to love another
and I love you back just as much for that.
Because its so beautiful.

Be My Light Garden

The words repeated...
"An open door, a closing past..."
But you and I, we're meant to last.
Forever and always, just like the stars.
I used to complain, but now they're ours.
Every word once spoken or written in ink
requires no thought now. I'm changing what I think.
Because you walked in and you turned me around,
from the the dreary sidewalk endings
to the snowy white ground.
If the words could say thank you,
they'd scream them quite clearly.
But you know what my heart speaks
cause you love it dearly.
So lets go make a garden from color and light
to forget where we've been and start anew on this night.
You and I, hand in hand, facing the world together.
You and I, now as us, hearts so in love
forever.

Risk it all, cause I'll catch you when you fall wherever you go.

No more words in gray, or black, or blue.
I want them shining purple, just like you.
We glow in the light as it sets in the west.
I know where your hearts at
cause you know me best.
And for as much rain as we've been through
we're still together.
And we're still going strong.
I think we will be forever.
You fill my worlds with color
likes the painters I'd always longed to know.
You watched my words unfold
and I watched your heart grow.
So afraid of what love was, but you opened my eyes.
And now my face lights with smiles
cause your love makes me so alive.
I want to run so free and far
and carry you straight to a star.
One day I promise we will be free.
Your hand in mine
Just you, and me.

Away

I want to be able to feel your heartbeat
when you're dancing with me.
And I think...maybe...you are the sun.
Because my heart wakes when you do.
One day we're gonna run away so far.
And we're gonna be so high on life
that we could jump for the stars.
Your hand in mine...
I could conquer anything.
Time. Life. People.
The world was cold and
you took me in.
Knowing full well that I was being followed
by those that still hate the way we spin.
But who cares? Who cares.
I only care that I love you
forever and always.
I only care
that you're with me.
I only care for you.

The Tide Can Take Us

I woke up this morning and the light hurt my eyes.
And when I flipped over I still realized
that you were right there.
But I thought I had dreamed the whole night
of those brilliant colors that made everything right.
And if the world I know is just a dream, well then
please don't wake me up.
This is the best I've ever been.

See I think all I needed ever since the start
was to believe in love
and believe in my heart.
And you believe in both and still yet it in me.
And I know I'm not dreaming
so how can this be?

I wish that we could fly. I would take your hand
and we'd soar to the beach and build palaces of sand.
And each morning when you woke
I'd greet you with the sun.
And we'd do it all over
when the day was done.

You're a star or an angel. I still can't decide.
But I know I'm not hurt now. I don't want to hide.
But I'll take you away
and we can hide together.
Away from this world and
this bitter cold weather.

Now I know that all I ever needed from the start
was to believe in love
and believe in my heart.
And you believe in both. And still yet, in me.
And I know I'm not dreaming.
You'll always love me.

What We Were Meant For

I scratched my dreams out pencil deep
and watched those colors in my sleep.
Seattle called and called me home
because here in the snow, I'm still so alone.

And I, I think that you've always known.

My heart ran wild through the midnight sky
the night it found yours. The stars alligned.
And I always believed I'd leave all this behind.
But I'm not so sure now that's the future I'll find.

And I, I think that you know...

I can't do this on my own.
I wasn't meant to go on alone.
Seattle's never gonna be a home.
If you're not there.
My hearts too empty and the colors are gone.
The days are too dark and the nights too long.
And all the sparkle in my eyes disappears
if you're not here.
Yeah, when you're not here.

Something came and it took me away.
And it showed me a brighter and lighter day.
And I think it was you. And it was worth the while.
You made me forget how to frown and learn how to smile.

And I, I think that you still know...

I can't do this on my own.
I wasn't meant to go on alone.
And Seattle's never gonna be a home
if you're not there.
My heart's too empty and the colors all gone.
The days are too dark and the nights are too long.
And all the sparkle in my eyes disappears
if you're not here.
Yeah, when you're not here.

Happyness

Did you know that the worlds been coming apart?
And sometimes I have to hold my own heart.
Everythings here and
it's all coming out.
Even I sometimes wonder.
And I usually doubt.
This rain was meant for dancing.
And I wish I had a hand.
And I wish that hand was yours sometimes
so I could help you stand.
And we could walk now, side by side,
without the need to run or hide.
Peace isn't broken, but we just haven't found
the place where the sky meets the Earth and the ground.
I never much liked gravity
because my soul flys too high.
I was destined to reach and reach and reach
till I pulled just one star from the sky.
And I know even then
that I'll still burn my hand.
But as long as you have the other
then maybe I
can still stand.

So right now...

My eyes hurt now
from staring at the bright white screen.
My eyes are bright white too.
Blank
Cold
And filled with question, too.
Wondering if you'll ever get back to me...maybe.
Maybe just this once okay?
Cause you'll feel so so bad
if you don't and then
you read this and then
you find out something happened.
That's not a threat.
I don't want a thing to happen but
please?
Please answer me.
Just for once. Be a brother.
Just for once pick up the other end
and hold on tight
because I need you.

Desperation, Again.

Even I once lived and breathed.
Even I, still need. I need.
I need...you.
Maybe?
I'm so lost, like a child,
afraid of the dark and cold.
Lonely nights....I hate this okay?
He said he's jealous for me.
I know He loves me...God, that is.
But what if I still hurt?
What if my chest is still brimming
with pain, and my heart is still
overflowing in shades of red and black?
What then...
Am. I. Loved?
Or just simply lost looking for it?
Illusioned, possibly, because I am clay
and I believe almost anything.
Stupid of me, isn't it?
All of a sudden sometimes I am my own affliction.
I don't know why. I don't know.
I never will.
Let me go then, because
you can't save me.
You don't love me.
And you can't know this.
So let me go,
please.