Ruckus

Hand over the pieces.

I am gaining back what is mine.

Living, even if it kills me.

Perserverance

Breathe and Exhale

Built up frustration

It's the tears brimming my eyes

The reasons I don't have

The repression

of my choice.

Your little black book

makes me wonder your story.

I want to tell you

my worlds.

And I want to tell him

my heart.

Pour out everything

that's eating me alive

and dive into the deep end.

Sink into a subtleness

away from this melancholy

tainted air.

I want to breathe peace

and exhale certainty.

Where's my light when I need one?

Can it be you?

Or am I just a lost,

soul searching

shadow stepper?

Hope

Maybe the daylights coming.

I can see it dawning

in the hope of your smile.

And even with the darkness

that we've so and too long endured

I think we're gonna make it.

I know there's a way out

and that tomorrow is

going to be much, much better.

There's music and there's laughter

waiting for our ears

and worlds of color for our eyes.

And even though I thought

all my nevers would always be

you changed me views.

I looked up and saw

that you were me on the inside

and I liked you for that.

You are a beautiful person

and I want to see the daylight

every morning

rising in the dawn

of your smile.

Give Me Time

I've got myself a secret

and its resting in my lungs

aching just to climb aboard

and fly right off my tongue.

I'm glad your ears are nowhere near

cause I can whisper to myself

what I don't want you to hear

but wish that I could tell.

And if I spoke the words

my heart keeps hearing

would you speak them back?

Make up for all the

times I've missed

and color that I lack.

I love.

Sometime soon I'll try and pull you aside

and tell you all I feel.

But right before

I spill my guts

I'll pretend its all not real.

I'll fashion up some clever lie

all meaningless and fake.

Just give me time

to let you know

for both of our hearts sake.

The Saints

They asked me how I could believe in the Saints. How I could even believe in anything. I asked myself that question after the days that had preluded. But why question things if we are in His hands? Truly, if the one who invented joy and happiness Himself is holding us, we don't have to worry. Right?
I've wondered a lot lately. And I've thought and pondered and perplexed myself over how a man can become so incredibly wonderous in his life that he may be called a saint. It sounds nearly impossible but I suppose that it isn't, seeing as how there are so many of them. But how did they do it? How did they follow such a narrow road of faith that they were able to be declared saints to the One who made the world? That's something I think about a lot. My roads been far too wide and far too sinful to make me a saint....at least I believe it has. I'd love to be a saint but I am nowhere near good enough. That's how I see it anyways. But then again each saint has a story. Maybe what made them so saintly is that, even when they sinned and strayed, they always came back stronger and more miraculous than before. They stood up when everyone else would have been beaten down, and they did so with the strength of God.

I was angry. I was lost and hurt and I cried because I wondered how such a loving God could do some of the things he did. How He could take the best thing in my life from me, and leave just out of my reach. It hurt and it stung. And I asked why a lot. We all ask why. But I guess that it's the saints that showed me why. Because I had to learn that I shouldn't rely on the world. That I could heal and grow and get back up again with God's strength alone. I'd never had to. But I am now. It's a struggle every day, but I just think of Saint Jude or Saint Christopher and I get through it. I know I can make it if I try. We all can. It's just hard. But if we all gave up when things got hard we'd have a very slow and lazy world.
So I am going to keep on trekking and loving and living, even if it hurts sometimes. I believe in God. I believe in the saints. I believe in forgiveness. And I believe in a love that covers all. That's what keeps me going. And no matter what the world says I always will believe. I've got someone to talk to whenever I need, and a love that never ends. Isn't that all anyone is looking for in this world?

Confession and Saints

I believe it was the Saint Jude himself
that got me started in believing.
I learned and became so
incredibly enticed.
Their stories were like colors
to my eyes and music
to my ears.
I wondered and I prayed
and I thought about where
I'd come from.
But in the end I decided
believing was okay.
Because I can see the hope
that they bring the world.
I can see the goodness they stand for.
Each one, less like a God, and more
like a humble hero
stands for all that
needs stood for.
And so doesn't that mean
there's always someone to
stand for me?
I am never alone.
And if someday the Priest
asks me
"Child, what may I do?"
I will say in solemn grace
"Forgive me Father,
for I have sinned.
I have lost my way
and I need God
to bring me back."

Remembrance

My words get too heavy
to be held inside my eyes.
And I'm still hushed
by the weight they have
pushed upon me.
All the while you
adorned in your shell of
concious and false reality
will go on playing the part.
I am lost when I see you
but still in the most
beautifully broken way.
Can you look me in the eyes?
I will tell you then
that you are still
my world of light.
I cannot forget
such a tremendous impact
to my soul.
The heart wasn't meant to.
It was meant to remember,
and cry,
and yearn for what
is lost.

We Owe It To Ourselves

They said, "We owe this
to ourselves."
And I nodded
And I agreed
We owe it to ourselves to look
for some way out
of where we are now.
For a world of difference
that's hiding in
the dark.
Sometimes I wonder
and sometimes I wish.
But I never ever thought
that things would end
like this.
No...
I assumed the world
would sweep me off with passion
and carry me swiftly
to the horizon.
That the sail would be steady
but instead
I was thrown back overboard.
I'm still just learning
how to swim.
We owe it to ourselves
to find a deeper truth.