So, Once Again, My Heart.

Weaving, in and out of your life,
always.
I'm a nomad. Here and gone.
And in any giving moment
leaving you wondering where
I've gone to
in my head.

And I'm afraid, yeah
I'm afraid
that my heart was made
with a hole in it.

I don't leave anyone hanging.
Oh, I hope not. Never, no.
I do my best,
with every step.
Marching soldier like,
tearless, fearless,
chin up, shoulders back.
We aren't made for this.

And I'm afraid, yeah
I'm afraid
that my heart was made
with a hole in it.

You can see inside me,
and see through
that gaping hole that'll never be filled.
I will it shut,
and pray it closed.
I'll scream so loud
but no one will no
that my heart was made
with a hole in it.

I Ramble On.

Every breath I'm breathing
as I exhale, it's leaving
behind a poison filled air
in my lungs.
It's those feelings of laughter,
and the silence that follows after
that leaves me broken and hung.
And we never asked
to be walking where were walking.
And we never wanted
to be walking alone.
I'm not quite sure where
this is all going.
But I wish I could say
I was home.
These walls and these windows
no matter how close here
feel more like prison than
anything else.
Oh, I wish I was leaving
behind such a season.
God, why does it all
feel like hell?
I once saw a boy I knew
hugging a blind man
who was bitter ontop,
with a soft core.
Love like that in it's purest
always showing then leaving
leaves me living for just it,
wanting more.

By Your Side/ I'll Be Alright (Song Inspiration)

Why are you striving these days?
Because I'm falling slower than I have before.
Why are you trying to earn grace?
God I know you've cried, but I don't want you to anymore.
Why are you crying?
I dont want to keep going on with this.
Let me lift up your face.
Save me if you must, if you insist.
Just don't turn away.

Why are you looking for love?
I've lost too much, my hearts in pieces, and in need.
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough?
I guess I'm looking for what I can, just out of greed.
To where will you go, child?
I'll find a place some day to call my own.
Tell me where will you run?
I'll find a spot my heart can honestly call home.
To where will you run?

Cause I'll be by your side wherever you fall
God just don't make me cry, at least not today.
in the dead of night whenever you call.
I promise I'll try to go a better way.
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you.
I really do need you holding me. Please hold me tight.
My hands are holding you.
Yeah, I know if that is true I'll be alright.


* Italicized words from By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North

Heart-Words

So I won't start out this poem with "I"
because, it seems, I always do.
And now, in fact, there's greater things
cause you have me, and I have you.
When all the world is dark and calm
and souls at sleep for nightimes rest
I find my mind can't ever sleep
and that my heart beats from my chest.
With every word you utter soft
the world turns longer in my life.
My heart beats brighter, freer, lighter,
unshackled from it's remembered strife.
If the wind were to hear my whispers
and carry on, like whispers do;
Then you'd hear me every evening
whispering my love to you.
I've learned in time I'm not just minutes,
or moments or miles. I'm really much more.
But dear, you are an angel, with a heart thats been sleeping
and I'll help you wake up off the floor.
And if you fall, I'll catch you first
just so you don't have to hurt at all.
I'll help you over every mountain,
and find a way through every wall.
Your hearts been lost but I am finding
so much grace in finding you.
Love, don't be worried, I'm here to catch you,
to guide you close
and help you through.

To Love.

Love, you hide in the weirdest places, but
I find you splendid in every way.
Especially when you come along,
jumping out in front me.
Sort of like a gift, don't you think?
I mean well sure
you've hurt me some before.
But not anymore.
You just keep giving and for now
I'll graciously take it.
Why question you
when you're only making me smile?

Let Me Be the Reaper

Let me be the reaper
and I'll create my own demise.
Through my eyes,
the world turns in such a direction
that causes us to fall, off balance.
We lay
under a blanket of stars
and wonder which we can call our
own. And at home
we're still hiding behind doors
with secrets brimming at our eyes.
The music screams of decrepid lies
and truths we deem
as too much to take.
And when we wake
the same songs ring in the back of
our ears. All we hear
is the shouting and fighting.
It's what we remember.
And come this December,
the winter will hit me. Like always
I'll promise
to renew myself to you.
But you'll frown upon the new year
at all the things you know I'll do.
Right now I think I'll just be
the reaper,
if that's okay in your eyes.
Let me bend, and break,
create, and wake
to build my own
demise.

Decisions Can Kill More Than The Decision-Maker.

Because I love you,
but I really love him
there's no way at all this can work out in the end.
I'm digging my own grave
and if that isn't enough
I climb into with each step I take
closer.
But closer to you.
And maybe I want it.
But maybe I don't.
Maybe I should tell him.
But I'm sure I won't.
I'm not leading, I'm not.
I have you for now.
I'm the keeper of decisions
and the world is watching.
If I take the wrong road,
then my downfall will follow.
I'll reap my own consequences,
apologies decorating my words.
There's no apology for this.
And while I know what should be,
and what's probably right,
I will still look around and try, yeah I'll try
to find a way and cheat
this life that's forcing me
to choose one or the other.
Why can't I have both?
It's a matter of social acceptance
that can't be overcome.
It's never right.
It never will be.
But still I'm not sure
of the answer, not now,
not ever.
God, what would You do,
in my position?