I Will Not Run (Song Inspiration)

"If tonight is your last train out of here, how you gonna run like that?"

I'm not.
I'm going to stay here
and stare it in the face
saying,
"I am not afraid."
I am so very afraid.
But I'm strong too.
I will not run.

Speculations.

Introverted to myself.
I have flaws by the millions.
Extroverted to the world
My face shows sunlight.
I hate the sun.
My fatal flaw is this in whole:
I don't want to be part of a bigger story.
Holding back, scared, and hiding,
like a child afraid of the dark.
I'm afraid of the sunshine.
I only know what its like
without the light.
Moving on is impossible.
You'll push, I know.
You always have.
Can I please see things in color now?
My whole world's been black and white.
Paint it with a hurricane, fast enough for me.
But too fast, and everythings the wrong color.
I won't notice.
I am ignorant in so many ways.
But wise in ways I wish not.
The world's flawed too, yeah.
But mine are fatal, I believe.
Closet-monsters, broken mirrors,
internal lightning, crashes to the floor.
Once I upon a time I wrote
how my heart was ice, and fragile.
Like glass.
Shattering, so hard.
Can you pick up the pieces? No.
I can't tell the ice from glass.
It wont melt.
Magic? No. Worrysome fragileness.
I want to reach out
just one more time.
But why stick your hand in the lions cage?
You know you'll get hurt again.
Why now?
Why then?
Why bother?
We were only made of moments and minutes
and miles and miles.
And when our soles run bare
and our faces our tired,
we rest.

Cityscape Painting

When they tell is we're gonna paint the town
it's cause the town is colorless
without us around.
We're the painters, and this city scape
is just a template for ideas.
We've got our colors, each our own.
We'll customize our city home.
And learn to share.
And learn to grow.
We'll paint together
and then we'll know
that we're all just the same
in different colors.
When one painter's down,
all the colors wear out.
Yeah we all work with eachother.
If one burns out bright,
we all blend in with the night.
And this colorful town
turns shades of black and white.
But we'll take the hands of the artists around us.
No matter his stature, we'll help be his muse.
Share our colors and fortune,
and mix them together.
With shades that have never before been used.
Yeah let's paint the town now
much brighter than it's brothers.
It's been black and white for all too long.
But now we're adding our colors.

We'll Run On and On

I don't care if they're looking our way.
Keep on holding my hand.
Keep on walking with me.
The suns setting nice on the skyline here.
Tomorrow's a brand new day.
Let's run.
So far and so long that
they won't even know that we're gone.
We'll just be miles and miles
wearing out our soles.
But it doesn't matter cause together
we're whole.
Yeah we were meant to be
together.
I don't care if the whole worlds
looking in on our hearts.
We're making them known.
We have been from the start.
Let's just keep on going
and not hear a word they say.
The suns setting nice on the skyline here.
Yeah, tomorrow's a brand new day
for you and I.

Fulfillment.

And I felt the holy spirit, tugging at my arm
saying "Come on. Come on. We have to be going."
I moved in shock and wonder.
I'd never felt her grasp on my wrist until then.
So I smiled and I cried.
And the tears dried themselves as I walked.
The days before so laden with heaviness.
We stood silent in the night before that,
our eyes wide and lost inside them.
Broken and deserted, we sacrificed our lives
to the idols of the night time and self proclaiming
healers.
But the tug on my wrist now is the only healing
I know can be present in me anymore.
My chest is full, and in time with my breath, I think the holy spirit
is the only thing it has room for anymore.
We try to find what we're looking for
in pages and faces.
But we can't find it here , no.
We all look for redemption in our good deeds.
And we pay for it.
But the only price redemption has
is our souls looking upward.
My souls looking upward now.
God, save it. Save it please.
Drowning is no fun and the waters filling
up my lungs.
I can't breathe anymore.
If I follow the holy spirit
tugging on my arm, God,
will you be there where she takes me?

Apologetic Love (Song Inspiration)

"And when the houses came, they ate up everyone like they were fishes, saying "Come on, come on....its the end of the world."

Sometimes I still wonder if it is.
The fire burning behind my eyes and his
and growing.
Growing so much higher
and farther and stronger and wider.
We aren't so strong anymore.
I don't want to know
what's ringing inside your ears.
I don't want to know your feelings.
I just want to be left alone.
The walls around aren't quite like home.
Home is where fear can't be found.
Fear for us is always around.
Nomadic expressions, scribbled onto a page.
Stand silent and solid, just burn with your rage.
I don't belive you.
I don't want to.
I won't ever come back.
I need a plane. I need the money.
I need everything I lack.
And now, with the sun long gone.
With my eyes drawing shut, I'll stay awake even longer.
Exhausted, and thinking,
"If this is the end, at least I loved."
Yeah, at least I loved you...

Sometimes I Want to Say Anything.

I always say that I'll come visit.
Yeah, I think I always want to visit.
Except sometimes I think
that maybe I shouldn't tell things,
so I don't visit.
It's hard not telling you things.
You listen.
So sometimes I stay inside
thinking about visitng you
but never getting to it.
And then I write this stuff
and read this stuff.
And sometimes it reminds me of
how you write.
And I wonder if you read mine still?
But no matter I suppose. I write it
for me mostly.
Yeah, I'll come visit again soon.
But I got so many secrets
that are tapping me on the shoulder.
I just can't say right now.
But if you thought hard
and looked hard
you'd know
they're the same monsters I've always had.
Just this time they look
a little different
at a different time.
I'll come visit soon.
But I'll stay silent,
and smile.

Treading Land

I sat by you and waited for your eyes to change.
But your eyes grew no different. They just stayed the same.
And when I got up to leave, you asked me, "Why must you go?"
I would've answered you, but surely, by now you must know.
The cars chased past the sidewalk, but you were not chasing me.
You just let me walk away, cause you'd much rather leave me be.
You said to him, "Oh she'll be fine." But what a shame.
I may not, and in the end I'll say it was you who is to blame.
You'll say to him, "She's fine with it." Without a second thought.
But, my god child, you don't know the difference between what is and what is not.
So I'll run around a while, with all these colors inside my eyes.
Looking for a strangers shoulders to hold all my insides.
Become a stranger. Maybe then I'll get words to your ears.
It's not my fault, you know. It's not. You just don't want to hear.
I'll turn bitter, angry, and I'll leave while wearing out my soles.
And you'll just stare and wonder when I was shot to get these holes.
Well yeah it was when you turned your head. Just for a moment in the day.
Every time you do they open fire. And there's nothing you can say.
So sit there with a loss for words, and stare into his eyes.
I'll keep to me and leave you be. I can't handle your lies.
My colors all have faded down, so theres nothing you can say.
While you sat and waited for the world to change, I just walked away.

Observations Away

We'll hit the keys and tap out feet,
a melody ringing way too far.
These city light right here
have become our stars.
We wish and wish on them until
we realize wishing isn't real.
Close your eyes, I'm there inside,
even if you cannot see.
I promise I'll be
better in time, if we can just keep walking.
Keep walking on this road we're on.
And if you keep on talking
until the first signs of morning,
then maybe tomorrow I'll be alright.
You arms have been there all along,
but really only in thought.
Am I wrong?
I've wanted and I've wish.
(I know, wishes aren't real.)
But you see I believe what I know I can feel.
I believe all too strongly,
but I'm firm where I'm standing.
I am out here, alone, with my beliefs
I am stranded.
Caged up on an island,
with my feet in the sand.
It's no home for the weary,
but it's just where I am.
There's no way to cross this ocean.
I can't walk on water.
I don't work miracles,
but yeah He does.
And I know He's looking down from above, asking
"Where are you going?"
Well, Im really not sure.
All I know is where I want to be,
and I know where we were.
Let's go back there
so I don't have to watch this fall down.
She's praying for something.
She falls on the ground.
And I'm watching him watch them
with such a mix of emotion.
All the pity and compassion,
in the middle of the chaos.
His eyes tell all the stories,
but her eyes tell something more.
And she knows where they're all going.
Yeah she knows it, I am sure.
I want to go right back to the beginning.
Can we rewrite this like a book?
A story, never ending. A pen, never empty.
And lives never at loss for
a smile from the inside.
But I think I'm seeing something;
And please, correct me if I'm wrong.
But she's out there somewhere, in her eyes.
Soon she'll be going, going.
Gone.

Lessons

You're so much younger in spirit.
You're so carefree
and unaware.
Maybe one day
you'll teach me your secret.
Show me your world,
I'll meet you there.

I watched him walking
by the river.
Such sadness inside his eyes.
The world heavy
on his back.
He's buying into all their lies.

I'll teach you patience
if you teach me laughter.
And maybe one day
the world will follow after.
Oh we don't want to hear it,
the guilty conscience in our head.
So we'll walk around,
our eyes turned down.
Living among the dead.

And we'll sit around,
just staring,
till the media becomes a drug.
We're a war torn, weary,
working nation.
But we've swept pain under the rug.

And maybe it's not even there....

I'll tech you patience
if you teach me laughter.
And maybe one day
the world will follow after.
Oh, we don't want to hear it,
the guilty conscience in our head.
So we'll walk around,
our eyes turned down.
Living among the dead.

We're only living among the dead....

Let this heart inspire.
Let us starte a fire.
Live out loud, we're shouting higher,
till our lungs our full.
Our ears are ringing.
We're not singing,
we're screaming.
Oh, we're listening
to our heads.
We're tired of living
among the dead.