It's okay, though. I'll get better again soon.

This is me...

Fading from the sleeplessness

Starving from the stomach aches

Sick from all the tension

Still running off of nothing

Leaving all I know of me.

Unessescarily dying

For you.

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.4

Selfish Pleas and Selfless Gestures

I'm ready to collapse.

Drive, until the sun comes up.

Run until I can't take another breath

Bite my tongue until it bleeds.

Fall.

I'm ready to be new.

Keep on moving, running away.

Paint a continually new universe for you.

Hide everything for the sake of love.

Skew the meaning of four letter words.

I'm ready to be broken.

Leave what's left of myself on the floor

Pick up any of your heart that's been broken

Stay up all night just to make sure it's okay

Give until there's nothing left to give.

I'm ready to give up myself.

There's nothing now I could ever give more love.

The world has proved me completely wrong.

Everything I have is yours.

Take want you want

and leave what you don't.

I don't blame you for not seeing.

When you break, I break in two.

I cry when you leave crying.

Your pain is moved to my shoulders.

I would carry you, if you let me.

But I'm ready

to go on.

Let me be second.

I can handle the burden.

It's mine now for life.

And I'm yours

in whatever sense you want me.

The Universe Collapses Inward

We always want more than this world can offer.

But I will continue to grab the stars

until my hands turn to ashes.

This is for you, not for me.

Seeing you cry breaks my heart.

Seeing you smile puts it back together.

I've been pacing for hours trying to find a way

to make everything fall into place for you.

Not for me.

All I want...

For you to be happy, and whole, and to live

the fullest and best you can

for you.

Not for me.

I thought forever ago I'd gotten past

that broken, unreciprocated love I'd found.

I know I hasn't.

But this is not for me.

The sleeplessness, lack of food, and hours spent

trying to find solutions

are all for you.

Because I love you.

I still love you more than

anyone in this world ever could.

And because of that,

even if it's not returned the same way,

I'm going to encourage every dream you have

and help you find a way to get to your goals

until you own the universe.

I will drive as far as I can

and stand besides you

in silence, if need be,

just so you know you're needed and loved

and not alone.

I will be here to listen, here to talk,

here to lend a shoulder,

and here to be friend

until my heart collapses

and my least breath is exhaled.

Because a love like this is not going to go away.

I've gotta stop trying to make it.

I've gotta keep biting my tongue

and holding back the words

so that you'll be okay.

I've gotta keep hoping that things

will just keep getting better for you.

That you'll know

that I'm always here as your best friend

and

that you'll never read this.

My Prayer for Beginnings

God, running into the downtown lights won't

make me new.

I know that now.

Why did it take me so long

to realize You've been tapping me on my shoulder?

The pastors and books and people

have all been telling me for years

that we can only become new in You, God.

Why haven't I listened?

I want to be new. I want to be whole, not broken.

I want not to forget all the terrible things that

I have experienced or done,

but be able to remember them as past.

Embrace the lessons, and move forward.

I want to be free of the chains that

are holding me down from my memory.

I want to forget the monsters that reach

out of my mind

and hold my by the throat.

God I want to be new.

PLEASE.

I WANT TO BE NEW.

I want to shout it from the rooftops.

I want you to shine Your light in me

until it blinds out every bad thing I've ever known.

God, Your love covers all.

Please wash away everything that's been done.

Let me start over in You.

Let me love again, live again, laugh again,

and have it be true and whole,

and be free.

Thanks...

Only you would know how to talk me down

from working up the tears

so late at night.

You are a blessing and light and I

don't know how to tell you

that I'm thankful.

Somewhere between stumbling through life

and admitting defeat

you found me falling to my knees.

You didn't even know it.

But you picked me up.

I can't write this without tears.

I couldn't say it without sobbing.

I was so afraid of being alone.

But now I'm not. I know.

I never wanted to die.

You know I didn't.

I was just so scared of being lost and alone

and never having anyone of my own

that my fear took me over

and I let it defeat.

But I know I'm not alone know.

I can sleep at night

and remember now

that you are a light

and I can see the way out.

I've got so much more to do here.