A Thought For You

"There is no future. There is no past. Thank God this moment's not our last. There's only us. There's only this. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss. No other road. No other way. No day but today. There's only now. There's only here. Give into love, or live in fear. No other path. No other way. No day but today..." -Rent

There's a million words I want to say
brimming the edge of my mind.
I love you.
I will keep on loving you.
And I will never ever hurt you.
We've been so far in life, separately.
Our hearts grew in so many different ways
but we're not so different.
Not at all.
And at the times when you're nervous
I can see it in your eyes.
Just a small, fleeting glance of it
And I want to tell you
everything will be alright.
I can forgive. I always can just...
try not to break this heart. Mkay?
It's been broken so many times.
One more break might crush it forever.
I can't handle that.
But I can handle you.
I can handle your past because
it's not. who. you. are.
Don't forget that, okay?
You're stronger because of it.
And sometimes, you talk
so poorly of yourself
that I just want to hug you
and look you in the eyes
and say "You're the greatest thing
that's ever happened to my life.
And I am sure with all my heart
that you're amazing."
Yeah, and one day too
you will see it yourself.
You will believe that.
It's true.
But until then I promise
I have every intention
to love you on your bad days and good days
through anger, and sadness, and love,
and to keep growing and falling
faster and faster
while we build a near future
together.

It's This Story

The way I see it is simply this...

You're a heart, and I'm a heart.

Two lights, alone, both in the dark.

We all are. Everyone alive.

Just shining and searching to survives.

We're never meant to be alone.

We're constantly searching for a home.

But we stumble along until we can see

as sign that something was meant to be.

Someone who matches all we are.

Not just a light, but more a start.

You're like that light within my eyes.

Each moment I continue to realize

that I've been looking for you all along.

You're the melody I hear in each song.

Maybe you see it too: That unmistakable line

that can bond us together through the passings of time.

We've been wandering around with nowhere to go

but now that I've found you

I think

that I know.

Those Poor Writing People...

It's the poor curse of the writers
to slave away at a desk
with nothing but blank white
when they need words the most.
Pacing around rooms
Checking the time constantly
or forgetting time completely.
Not remembering to eat
or to remember anything.
Losing contact with reality.
Sometimes running around
in a flurry of thought
and running into
everyone else.
Sometimes we come off as
offensive, or strange, or even
a little bit...slow.
We stress and worry,
breaking pencils, and keyboard, and minds.
Cursing under our breath and sometimes too,
in our writing.
Letting out the happy times along with
the anger and the sadness.
But I think it's okay.
I think God forgives all writers because
we're crazy.

Remember This...

Remember this.
Remember...
This deepening feeling of anxiety.
Because it isn't real.
It's NOT. REAL.
It's just a fixitive onto your imagination.
Some sickly manifesto
because your brain doesn't work
the way its supposed to.
See this is why I can't talk about it.
Why I can't explain to anybody
what it feels like to lose your mind
momentarily,
and know its not real.
Because they wouldn't understand.
They just stare and stare and think
"Damn it, you're crazy."
Fuck it if I am. I'm screwed up. I know it.
But I'm alive, aren't I?
I still have feelings, however unreal they are.
I still know what its like
to love and hurt and live and laugh.
Remember this feeling.
The one that's penetrating your heart.
The one you can feel in your gut
and in the ache right beneath
your eyes.
Because it isn't real.
No, it never was
and never will be
and it'll go away soon enough.

I Can See It

Wisdom lies in the eyes of the beholder.
I'm beholding your words like they could build up worlds.
I could listen to the songs like life depended on them.
But no matter how long I let them sink in
they could never tell me more
than one glance from you.
There's more inside you than you know is real.
Each movement you make, each time you feel
you gain one more sparkle
that shows when you smile.
The corners of your eyes crinkle up and glisten.
You know half the world that we don't know exists.
Give me just a few moments of words,
I will listen.
Lend me a moment of time and
I will lend you my ear.

Words of Wishing

My fingers are itching to spill everything out.
Every thought, feeling, word, wisdom, laugh, love...
I want to tell
All
Of
It.
To myself, to you
To anyone...
Hold onto me please.
Pick me up and change everything I thought I knew.
I'm afraid, but what for?
Everything I've ever been afraid of,
every single fear
is illegitimate.
They're all from my mind.
They're all for my head.
I'm only afraid of myself.
How silly it seems now.
How insignificant.
But how monstrous to me
on those dark nights
alone, and the world unknowing.
You're here when I'm smiling.
All you've seen is my daylight.
But those stormy nights
when my vision is clouded
and my mind takes over...
...that's what I'm afraid of.
I'm afraid you won't like
what you see.
You won't understand
what I see.
You won't want to stay.
You'll leave.
Maybe I'm jumping ahead too fast.
Tell me I'm just assuming
and that assumptions
insult you.
Tell me I'm wrong.
That you're offended I'd ever think
you'd leave for something
so silly.
Tell me I'm not just silly
and falling too fast,
but that you too
can see that connection.
That you understand my fears
and you'd rather hold me than leave.
Reassure me.
Tell me everything.
I need too much.
I don't want to need.
But I want to hear you
speak.

Anticipation Couples Fear

Help me take chances.
We're going down a road I
may be afraid of...
I believe in you.
What about yourself?
You can't see past your mirror
to your reflection in my eyes.
So long the worlds been shades of grey.
So long I have been turning on my own
and turning into the darker roads.
Let me feel again, but with you.
Pull me close and keep me safe.
Get to me.
Break down all of these walls
and pull me by the collar
out of the self-established prison.
Look me in the eye and tell me
that I can do better for myself.
Look me square in the face
and tell me you aren't leaving.
The summer was colder
than any before it.
I never have told you.
I never want to tell you.
But time unfolds all honesty.
You claim you'll still see that fire.
Still like what you see
even if I keep unfolding.
But once it gets down to the beginning
and there's nothing left to reveal
where will you be?
Will you be standing here
right next to my side?
Or running in the opposite direction?
I need to know.
My head is spinning.
I think I'm falling again and
I just want to know
if you'll catch me.