I'm so sorry...

Every part of me

wanted to scream and then cry.

Wanted to shake you 

then hold you

and tell you we would fix this.

We. 

You're not alone the way you feel.

I need you to know this.

And I tried my best 

to wipe the tears from my eyes.

It's late. I was just tired, right?

The things it does to me 

to see those lines.

I can't imagine the hurt.

I can't stand I wasn't there.

But I realized too...

I can't look myself in eyes

because I reflect back 

all I see in you.

And I'm sorry.

Because I know now

the stabbing pain it causes

when you learn the one bleeding

isn't you.

If you read this, then yeah.

I wish you would read this. 

I wish you would just run here.

I always tell you you don't have to.

I tell you both.

I say "No, don't worry. I'll be fine. Goodnight."

Goodnight...   .

It's that last little dot.

It means way too much.

I am way too elusive.

Please just keep hanging on, ok?

My mind fades slowly in the afternoons.

I end up at the bottom riddled with bullet holes.

I try to talk and tell and be honest.

Sometimes I can't.

My tongue is tied.

My mouth doesn't work.

I revert back to basics.

There's holes in my head where the words should be.

I'm slowly trying to fill them.

It's taking so fucking long.

So long... Just please...

Don't let me hear you can't help me.

I would never do that to you.

If you pull me back up, I swear,

I will keep holding on.

I am trying so hard.

I promise I'm trying.

Please, please,

don't let me be gone.

I don't want you gone either.

Ok? 

The Box Never Opened.

I didn't know how tired I was. 

And it stripped the breath right from my lungs.

The game I played was so unfair.

Fit only for me, but you're still there.

A brain that can't fathom it's next step.

A time in between to see what I have left.

Part of you knew I could still guard my heart.

Though I had keys in hand, you knew I couldn't start

to retrace all the bloodlines

borne into my veins.

And I'm sorry I forced you to stay up and stay.

It's a cycle, a show now, you weren't made to see

but you did. And I'm sorry. This isn't the me

that you grew up knowing.

And both of us know

that the cards I've been showing,

Well, we've seen them before.

Did you know I was bluffing?

Cause I sure didn't know.

Or did you just have the faith left

that I wouldn't let go?

I am terrified that my conscience 

has been stripped to the bone.

And nowhere and everywhere's

becoming my home.

I can ask you for nothing

but still I whisper screams

hoping you'll catch me falling

or catch me at the seams.

Cause it's aching. I'm trying,

with the courage I've borrowed,

to leave all of this behind

and stand again here,

tomorrow.