I Can't Say It

Perfectly honest,

I am sure of very little

nowadays.

The only thing I am sure of tonight...

The way your eyes tell stories

The strength behind your words

The way I feel...

Odd, that's usually not

what I'm sure of.

Not ever.

But everything about this screams out

a different story than any I have been in.

Maybe, just maybe

you can answer my questions

and be the ending

to my words.

You think so?

Waiting Again

There's a drastic gap between

knowing there's nothing left for you here

and wanting to leave.

I know there's nothing left for me.

I don't want to leave.

There's too much ahead.

Too many could-be's and what-ifs.

I'm heading into the unknown.

Maybe there will be something for me there.

Okay, yeah,

I know there will be.

I just wish I knew what

and with who

and how

and when

it'll all come hurling at me

so I can be ready.

But I guess we never can be.

We just have to take it in

moment by moment.

These Eyes Don't Shine Half As Bright.

The melodic intervals you write with your eyes

are far deeper than any I've ever played out

with my fingers.

The world's done to you far more than

it's done to me.

I think I know why.

Because even though we stand in the same place,

and you're looking out on the same view I am,

you have been far braver.

While I stand silent and miniscule,

you shout to the world who you are.

You are far more sure and far stronger

than I have ever been

and could ever be

for now.

And since you can speak out

the world's yelled back.

Sorry really doesn't cover the pain it's dealt but

I have to say, I'm sorry.

You're doing what everyone in our place

is always afraid to do.

And you're standing up for all of us.

It's not fair to you.

I'll make it up.

I promise.

This Is Why I Won't Say It

Give me one good reason why

I'm telling myself no.

You can't see the way I look at you.

I'll never let it show.

We play an act of hate for fun.

Couldn't hate you if I tried.

I've told you I could never love you

but won't tell you that I lied.

I'll keep the secret safe with me.

I'll never let you near.

I dance with fire and sheer desire

and burn you out of fear.

The one day far from where we're at

that I slip up with my eyes

I'm sure you'll smile you're knowing look

cause you've seen past my lies.

You'll say the words I often hear.

You're sorry but you can't see

the things that I see inside you

reflected back in me.

Moving On

Good grief.

It's moments like these

when I look back and think

"What the hell was I thinking?"

The world is such a deeply moving

and beautiful place.

How could I let it move my words

to darker places?

We write because we feel.

I wrote those feelings away,

I suppose.

Oh well.

What's past is past.

And each word is only just a reminder

that I'm continuing to turn over

new chapters

with every line.

Frustration

I. Actually. Understand.

It wasn't just angsty teenage bullshit.

It wasn't a stupid feeling stirred up

by lack of pills or sanity.

I had a real and deep feeling.

The tears and the anger all stemmed

from one simple truth

and that was this:

That I was simply and incredibly

frustrated.

I was frustrated

at not being able to express

such deeply moving feelings

in words.

Oh wow.