I'm always so ellusive, but right now I'll try not to be.
I needed my medication bad tonight.
As blunt as I've ever been, it almost feels
wrong....
But I need to let it out.
I need to tell anyone who will hear me
and no one at the same time.
I feel completely unlovable.
And who could love someone
so completely broken inside?
Maybe that's why I was meant to be
forever alone in my head
like I've always been.
Each time it happens I think
"What would happen if it all just ended
in one swift motion?"
But no, I can't think like that.
I won't. I swear. It's not me.
But at the same time....it is.
It's why everyone leaves because
they all look me in the eye and say
"Sorry. I don't know how to help you."
So, on nights like tonight,
I am left here alone
secluding myself from the world
because I know nobody wants to deal
with me.
I don't even want to deal with me.
I want to be numb.
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