Even I'm a Contradiction

No matter how many days
(and counting...over hundreds)
I insignificantly dismember my emotion
these words still keep me steady.
They keep me steady less
or equal to
your words.
Your words, not in writing,
but still keep me as steady
as need be.
Only days, I know. Only days...
I'd like to say every word
my heart has pressed to my fingers.
But there is so and too much color.
Would that scare you?
Would I scare you?
Or would you let me share my world
with you....
I don't take chances or risks.
Like before, I will say, this is not
a math equation
and I have no answer.
But I'm looking for one.
No book, no letters, no numbers, no lesson
can ever teach me
what it's like to be loved
and what its like to smile.
But one day the world will teach me.
And I apologize
for apologizing for
the fact I feel so so deeply.
But I cannot lie. I will not lie.
I care. Far more than I should let myself.
Do not think about it too hard but
just know...
I have always been able to hold myself up.
And...if the day comes that
you find you might need someone
to help hold you up, well
my door is always open
just like my heart.