"'Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves.'
-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7"
"Well if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost..."
If they are supposed to love me, and they say they do, and I want to believe them, then why can I not? Because love is supposed to be unconditional. And not easily angered....
And if her love and their love is a love based on my actions. Based on if I do what makes them happy or what they want, and is angered when I dont, then how can I force myself to believe in a love like that? Because to my head, it needs to exist. But to my heart it isn't so. It doesn't protect and boasts more than I can handle. So what now? I have so long and so so hard tried to make myself believe that her love and their love was true. Moments like these change it all though.
"Too late for second guessing. Too late to go back to sleep. It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes, and leap. It's time to trying defying gravity..."
I won't second guess this this time. I won't go to sleep convincing myself that I'm the one at fault and have to keep bettering who I am! My instincts are telling me peace is in the other direction. That this life where I am constantly telling myself I'm not doing good enough to make them happy and that it's my fault is not the life my heart wants. So I'll let myself defy gravity this time. I will let myself believe what I never have, and I will let my heart fly where it has never been before. Because it needs to be where it was meant to be.
"And you can't bring me down..."
I won't let them. This is my dream. And it was never too big to believe in.
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