Idk.

Apologies mean nothing coming from me.
Not anymore.
I know, somewhere a while ago
I stopped acting the way I should have.
I am sorry and
it hurts me.
But it hurt you too.
Sometimes I get caught up trying to do
what I think I should
instead of what I know.
I just wish I could pull my heart right out of my chest
and show you how heavy it is right now.
But maybe if you could hear me out somehow,
then please, just know
that I can't stand to lose you.
I never wanted to make you mad
or hurt, or angry, or alone, or sad,
but I failed in some points.
I know what I've done.
I seem to mess up a lot.
I keep asking you to forgive.
And I know I could be stronger
and braver
and pick of the pieces of my life.
I could be more put together
and smarter
and wiser.
I could make life more simple
if I really wanted.
But that would entail I would stop being me.
That's not someone I want to be.
But if I hurt you or offend you
or I do something wrong,
please just always tell me.
It seems to never take long
before I mess something up.
I know you're still here.
I don't want to push you away,
but there's always that fear
that one day I'll do something
that you cannot forgive.
That you'll get angry and I'll lose you.
That's not something I can live with.
I keep rambling and promising
and wandering through life,
and I know its not much when I tell you that I
am enormously grateful for the times you've been there.
But I am.
And if you need me,
well I'm not going anywhere.